Merry Christmas TMS Gang! I hope today was electric in every sense of the word, and I also hope that, like me, you’re thankful we don’t need to see any more crying kids holding up sweaters AI photos for another year.
I figured I’d end today with a little festive experiment, because as hockey lovers, we all deserve a little extra representation in the world of cinema. So let’s take a little stroll down Santa Claus Lane and put some familiar faces into the world of Christmas Lore.
1. Joe Thornton – Duh
Obviously this one is a bit of an empty net effort but c’mon, as if we weren’t all gonna get there anyways. Look at this son of a bitch. The big, grey beard, the joyful smile, the literal Father (Christmas) figure of the NHL before retiring in Florida. Easy pick.
2. Leon Draisaitl – Hans Gruber
There are a variety of debates to be had here, none of which I’m going to be entertaining. Yes, Die Hard is a Christmas movie. Yes, this is another low-hanging fruit. No, I’m not sorry and it makes sense. Leon is cool, collected, calm in the face of chaos and absolutely BRUTAL Edmonton media, and much like Hans, he’s the second most important part of the production.
3. Zdeno Chara – Jack Skellington
This one I stand by because I didn’t pick Chara simply because he’s tall. My primary purpose was to pick him because he is a terrifying, otherworldly looking figure, but who also has a heart of gold. It just helps that he’s a giant, gangly bone man as well.
4. Brent Burns – Cousin Eddie
Merry Christmas! Shitter was full. Enough said. (I initially had him picked as Yukon Cornelius but this was objectively funnier… Sorry)
5. Connor Bedard – Hermey
Connor is the next big thing, in fact he’s arguably already one of the biggest things in the NHL. Hermey was another North Pole stud, but he had different, bigger dreams than your 9-5. Grinding day in when he had bigger and brighter talents than the working class had. Also if I was Bedsy I’d rather be a dentist then play in Chicago.
6. Johnny Gaudreau – Kevin McAllister
This one stings, because I wanted to make Johnny a villain for obvious personal resaons, but I think I got it. Johnny, though this year he’s not having his best time, is obviously an incredibly skilled player. But he’s also strapped to a rocket going absolutely nowhere. It brings me joy to see him not winning hockey games after leaving us high and dry, but for a guy with his skill level to be glued to a franchise like Columbus, he might as well be alone out there. Also, despite his ingenuity and ability to defend his castle, Kevin was a spoiled little rich kid who was a pain in the ass for the sake of it, and he’s a bit of a sociopath.
7. Jonathon Huberdeau – The Grinch Who Stole $84M
Remember how psyched I was when he got him? I was calling Treliving GM of the Year before the first faceoff. Remember how he then shattered Calgary’s hopes and dreams with the largest single season drop in production ever recorded? Remember how he scored like twice kinda early on and I was like “No it’s fine now, he’s back”. Remember when he absolutely was not back? I FUCKIN REMEMBER.
I know i said I hated these but that’s only cause I got my feelings hurt on Twitter on friggin’ Christmas.
From myself and the rest of the gang here at TMS, we hope you had a fuckin’ unbelievable holiday season, and that you all stay safe, healthy and happy into the New Year, and through Canada’s inevitable miracle run to a World Juniors Threepeat. Stay tuned for me to either gloat about it or eat my entire foot. Love you guys, stay frosty.
The Morning Skate 