The Seattle Kraken have officially named their new mascot and no it is not the krackhead who lives on the corner asking for spare change but rather a much more sophisticated troll. Some say the troll is a transcendence of Gritty. Gritty flew so Buoy could be the birthed out of the backside of cooperate shills in Seattle. Buoy is Gritty before he discovered meth. Buoy IS meth. Buoy would be Gritty’s buttplug… and the list goes on.
If you need another troll to follow on twitter look below. You can also book Buoy to appear at your kid’s birthday party or your birthday party if you don’t have kids.
You might be asking yourself why a troll named Buoy? Well after some intense research of the greatest trolls in the history of trolls we came to multiple conclusions. It most certainly doesn’t have anything to do with the art installment used to keep away homeless people from sleeping under the most famous bridge in Seattle. Frank Reynolds was actually next in line if Buoy passed up the role. Legend has it, Frank applied to be Philly’s mascot but when they told him part of the role was eating snow from the Zamboni he unfortunately turned it down.
This take below might be the best one yet. What if Buoy really is related to the Tkachuk family?
They say Buoy lives under Climate Pledge Arena and his favorite meal is a piece of shark with a sprig of maple leaf. Reminds me of another sea creature who drinks bailey’s from a shoe. The last and final belief on the origin of Buoy comes from the classic tale of Old Gregg. Is he a scaly man fish or a nice modern gentlemen? What do you think of Buoy? Make an assessment…