Once the Stanley Cup Finals come to a close, the worst part of the year for sports fans begins. No football, no hockey, no basketball, just 3 months of sitting in 100 degree weather for 3 hours at a baseball game being your only option for a sporting event. However with the end of the Cup Finals also comes an always entertaining segment: the post NHL playoffs injury report. It seems every year as soon as the NHL season ends we get a whole laundry list of guys who played with injuries that would sideline athletes of any other sport for 2-3 months, and this year is no different. Here’s a breakdown of some of the insane, grotesque injuries these guys have been playing through (that we know of).
Matthew Tkachuk
Played the rest of Game 3 of the Cup finals and all of Game 4 with a BROKEN STERNUM. Not only that, he scored the tying goal with ~minute left in Game 3 with said broken sternum. Then came within inches of tying the game in the final minute again in Game 4, after his brother Brady had to help him out of bed to go to the game and his teammates literally had to help him put his pads/skates on. The man couldn’t get dressed, but still decided to play hockey.
Aaron Ekblad
Fractured his foot in Round 1 against Boston, then sometime during the rest of the postseason tore his oblique and dislocated his shoulder TWICE. An entire two months of hockey with multiple severe injuries. Just one of these injuries would sideline so many athletes, but for Aaron it was nope-shoot me up with enough Cortisone to sedate a large gorilla and I’m going in.
Morgan Barron
Victim to the incident pictured at the top, this absolute freak took a skate to the face during in Game 1 against LA in Round 1n(skates are very sharp, if you have not been made aware before now). He then proceeded to get 75 stitches on the side of his face during the 1st intermission, and came back in the 2nd period. Of the same game. If this happened to an NBA player they would still be in the ICU of the nearest hospital, probably in a wheelchair for some reason even though the injury has nothing to do with their ability to walk. That way ESPN will talk about them for 5 hours straight on Sportscenter.
Patrice Bergeron
Although watching Boston get bounced in Round 1 was hilarious for anyone not residing in Massachusetts, this lunatic played through a herniated disc during that series. An injury that makes it difficult for normal humans to walk, and he was playing professional hockey. This is the same lunatic that in the 2013 playoffs played with broken ribs, torn rib cartilage, and a separated shoulder. If hockey ever created an award for being closest to actually dying while playing in the playoffs, it shall be named the Bergy Trophy.
Meanwhile in the NBA, their 2019 #1 overall pick sat out their little “play-in tournament” for a chance at making the playoffs even though doctors had medically cleared him to play basketball. He also recently got exposed by his girlfriend (not sure if she claims that title anymore) for some wild off the court activities. That’s not what this blog is about though, so if you want to know what I mean you can look at said girlfriend’s recent tweets here
It has always been my opinion that hockey players are the best athletes on the planet. The level of fitness needed to go full speed every shift, the hand eye coordination to stick handle as fast as they do, all while gliding on paper thin metal blades is far more difficult than dunking a basketball when you’re almost as tall as the hoop. But at this point I’m not sure if we can classify them as athletes anymore. The injuries these guys play through every year come playoffs are injuries that would sideline any MLB, NBA, and most NFL players for months at a time. They’re psychopaths. Lunatics. Warriors. The NHL is just as much of a psych ward as it is a professional sports league. The last time men went to battle with such ridiculous circumstances that should’ve made them just wave the white flag and go home, Zack Snyder made an extremely overrated movie about it.
Godspeed to the psychopaths playing in the NHL, we can’t wait for you to be back in October to save us from watching baseball.
The Morning Skate 