Ladies and gentlemen, we made it. After a horrendous summer of no hockey + the Cardinals one-upping the Blues for worst sports team in STL all summer, we have made it to hockey season. Pumpkin spiced lattes on deck, chili in the slow cooker, maybe a candle on if my dog is stinkin up the place, and hockey on TV. That’s how real men spend their fall.
Before we dive into what to expect this season (I have no idea), let’s get you degenerates who haven’t been paying attention up to speed on what’s happened with the Blues this summer.
We got Kevin Hayes
If you don’t know who Kevin Hayes is, he is a solid 2nd or 3rd line center that we acquired from Philadelphia for essentially 3 hockey pucks and a $50 Top Golf giftcard this summer. He isn’t franchise altering by any means, but he adds some desperately needed depth up the middle for us after losing ROR last trade deadline. Unfortunately NHL super stars aren’t chopping at the bit to move to the murder capital of America, so we don’t win cups by signing top 10 NHL talent. We do it by having 4 rock solid lines such as we did in 2019, Seattle did last year, and so on. And if he sucks? Well at least we’re going to get great content from him being arguably the funniest guy in the league, and a favorite teammate for a ton of guys he’s played with.
Enterprise Center has Steve’s Hot Dogs now!
Our arena’s glizzy game just got turned to the absolute max. Even if we suck this year, at least we’ll have good glizzies.
We had our highest draft pick since 2008 and got a Slovakian STUD
Due to the Blues being a complete dumpster fire last season, we had our highest draft pick in quite some time and spent it on a Slovakian forward named Dalobor Dvorsky. To summarize why I’m excited about him he’s been playing against grown men since the age of 18, and when he plays against guys his own age it looks like this.
If you don’t watch hockey religiously like some of us degenerates do, it isn’t normal to be able to move the puck around the ice away from the other team that easily for so long. He also does cool stuff like this!
Once touted as a potential top 5 pick, the Blues got lucky and got a potential Slovakian monster at 10. Will we see him on the ice this season? Likely not, but the last time we drafted a highly touted Eastern European forward who’d been playing against grown men since he was a wee lad, his name was Vladdy. And that went pretty well from what I remember.
SUNNY IS BACK.
No lengthy introduction needed. Part of the heart & soul of the locker room is back, and if this guy is on your 4th line you’re in good shape. LOVED this move by Dougie A.
and last but not least….
Schenner is our captain
As I said in my last piece, although Thomas may be a more long term high performer than Schenner this was our guy. Our team was a cultural locker room nightmare last season, and Schenner is far and above the best option to right that ugly ass ship.
Now that you’re up to speed on what happened this summer so when you’re a few chilly ones deep and that random dude starts talking hockey to you at the bar, you can pretend like you know what you’re talking about. And that’s all I’m here for. But now let’s talk about what I, in my humble opinion that is almost never wrong on hockey, think is going to potentially happen this season.
Jordan Kyrou scores 50 goals
“Did this clown just say the guy who’s never scored 40 goals before is dropping 50 this year?”
Yes, I absolutely fucking did. He dropped 37 goals on an abysmal offense last season while having different line mates almost more often than Taylor Swift has a different boyfriend. Kyrou just turned 25 in May so he still has time to grow, and last season he also got a not-so-subtle foot up his ass by the Blues coaching staff to end the season. He likely will have more consistent line mates this season, has something to prove, and the Blues’ offense should be more productive than last season. A guy that scores goals like this consistently is more than capable of netting 50 in a season.
Just ask his good buddy and newly anointed assistant captain Robert Thomas.
Cash it.
Jakub Vrana Revenge Tour
I feel like most Blues fans don’t know this guy’s background. He was drafted 13th overall in 2014 by Washington, and had a lot of hype around him following two straight 24+ goal seasons in ’18 and ’19. A lot of people touted him as a potential break out star with speed that few can match in the NHL (his speed is similar to Kyrou’s). Long story short he had a rough couple of seasons in Washington, then got traded to Detroit in 2021 where there were some off-ice issues and he eventually got shipped to us to revive his career. And revive it he seems to be doing, already scoring goals like this 2 seconds after the face off in a preseason game.
In 20 games for the Blues last season he tallied 10 goals and 14 points total, which stretched to an 82 game season would pace 41 goals on the season. Do I think he’ll net 40? No, he’ll likely be on our 2nd or 3rd line to start the year. But I based on how he played the final stretch last year I wouldn’t be shocked at all if he got 30 tucks.
Even if we aren’t contenders, this season will be at least enjoyable.
Last year stunk. Out loud. SUPER loud. However with the front office officially committing to moving onto the next era of Blues hockey, even if the team isn’t contending for a cup later this season it will at least be much more entertaining getting to watch the new young guns who will be the new regular faces on the team going forward. Guys like Zachary Bolduc, Jake Neighbours, and more will hopefully progress into being a solid supporting cast for guys like Thomas, Kyrou, and Buchy. And don’t be too shocked if Jimmy Snuggerud (I cannot wait to be yelling SNUGGIE whenever he’s sniping it in the show) makes an appearance late in the year once he wins a ‘natty for Minnesota. This new group of players is going to be more with the times of the new NHL with speed and creativity that the Blues just haven’t really had in recent years.
Biggest “?”: Defense
Last year the main area that made the Blues such a pathetic team to watch was defense. Woodford my young puppy is 19 pounds and just a hair over 3 months old, and I think he would’ve been able to hold is own in front of our net and get a few tucks. Our defense was one of the MOST expensive in the entire league in terms of what % of our team salary was spent on defense, but was bottom 5 in the league in terms of goals against, high danger chances given up, and more. I’m no NHL GM, but that is not a good mix. And for some odd reason, our top 4 defenseman are all the same. Hopefully Dougie Armstrong just knows something we don’t, but last time an STL team ignored a glaring issue that even most fans saw it turned into the worst season that team had endured in 100 years (thanks Mozeliak you bow tie wearing muppet). If this season is similar to 2022-2023 for the Blues, my money is on the defense. Specifically the top 4 all making over $6mil a year.
Patty’s Prediction
Unfortunately I do not believe there will be another parade on Clark St ending under the arch this season (if the Blues shove that statement up my ass I’ll get a tattoo). But I do think it will be much better and more entertaining than last season.
My guess is a 3rd place finish in the Central Division, with a possible playoff birth depending on how the Wild Card plays out in other Western Conference divisions.
Or we finish dead last in the league because we didn’t change our shaky defense, and a lot of the team’s success rides on two 25 year olds.
And lastly, if Robert Thomas is rocking fedoras with that lettuce before pre-season even started, he’s dropping 90 points this year. Cash it.
The Morning Skate 