Unless you live under a rock in the hockey world, you should know that the World Juniors tournament recently concluded. It is essentially a glimpse into the future for NHL fans, not just to see their NHL team’s up and coming stars but also hope for what good ole Gary Betts is apparently announcing soon:
The World Juniors is an incredible event for hockey fans, showcasing the world’s best young talent on a massive stage. Year after year Canada and USA fans go at it, hoping their team can bring home some bragging rights. There’s many teams that are elite in this tournament though besides the US of A and our neighbors up north: Finland, Sweden, Russia, Czech Republic, and more. Essentially a collection of countries who have shitty cold weather all year round, so kids there play hockey year round from the minute they can walk.
Except one country.
Fucking Norway.
Here is Norway’s record from this past World Juniors: 4-1 loss to USA (understandable, we’re perfect), 8-1 loss to the Czech Republic, 8-4 loss to Slovakia, 6-2 loss to Sweden, and a 5-4 OT loss to Germany.
4 straight ass kickings, which for Norway is typical for international hockey competition.
Not only that, they got RELEGATED out of the World Juniors for next year. As in they are literally so bad the tournament told them to take their wheelchair with pedals ass elsewhere.
Which doesn’t make sense. Norway is strictly hockey weather all year round. In June you can go play pond hockey.
In terms of olympic medal rankings all time, here is where Norway sits:
Ski Jumping-1
Sailing-1
Cross Country Skiing-1
Nordic Skiing-1 (I have no idea what the fuck this is)
Biathalon where you ski then shoot a fucking rifle at targets-1
Explain to me why a country that, based on their geographical location, should compete at the highest level for hockey in international competition such as Sweden, Finland, etc, simply doesn’t?
They’re preparing to take over the fucking world, via a modern viking army.
I mean they’re ranked #1 in a sport where you trek across tough terrain, then snipe targets. But a sport where you simply shoot a puck into a net? Fucking nope, we’re focused on reaching Valhalla brother.
The real threat today is not Russia. Is not China. Is not gluten.
It is Norway, working in the dark to return to their glory.
Do you think a group of people who used to be able to do this just wouldn’t finish their checks in a hockey game? Via History Collection
“Berserkers, or berserks, were legendary Viking warriors who are believed to have often entered battle without armor, protected by merely their rage and fury. The word “berserk” is derived from the Old Norse words “ber” and “serkr”; the former means either “bear” or “bare”, with interpretations differing, whilst the latter translated at “shirt”, rendering an ultimately clear meaning: an individual who does not wear traditional armor into battle. This fury, “called berserkergang” and thusly described, “occurred not only in the heat of battle but also during laborious work. Men who were thus seized performed things which otherwise seemed impossible for human power. This condition is said to have begun with shivering, chattering of the teeth, and chill in the body, and then the face swelled and changed its color. With this was connected a great hot-headedness, which at last gave over into a great rage, under which they howled as wild animals, bit the edge of their shields, and cut down everything they met without discriminating between friend or foe. When this condition ceased, a great dulling of the mind and feebleness followed, which could last for one or several days.”
So enjoy your gold medals Canada (and your free health care) and USA, we’re all about to be scalped on the battlefield.
The Morning Skate 