Last year, the Sports Science & Nutrition department here at Morning Skate did an in depth analysis on the phenomenon that was Alex Ovechkin’s pre/in-game diet (a 2k calorie pasta dish and nothing but Dr. Pepper during games, for those that aren’t up to speed).
Being able to house an italian dish that would put Tony Soprano in a food coma before a game, then drop a 50-burger in goals every year is something that should be studied by the greatest scientists in the world once Ovi passes years from now. The information we would get from his body would rival that of any stupid shit we’re investigating in space right now. However it was only a matter of time before that diet eventually caught up to The Great 8, and if he was ever going to beat Gretzky for the all time NHL record in goals some serious changes had to be made. Finally, the Capitals team trainers got through to him, and Ovi compromised with them to begin using a pregame diet that makes his body a well oiled machine in the twilight of his career.
A footlong sub from Subway (typically around 1,000 calories), and some Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.
Nothin gets Ovi ready to dominate opposing goalies with the most unstoppable one-timer in the history of the NHL quite like a heavy 12-inch meatball sub and a variation of chip that causes issues like the one below, which is a quote from an actual doctor.
“Red stool is a side effect of eating Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, and it’s either due to bleeding caused by a severely irritated digestive tract, or due to the red food coloring passing through the system.”
Watching Ovi make such drastic, healthy changes to his diet is downright inspirational for us mere mortals. He knows to catch The Great One’s goal record of 894, some sacrifices would have to be made.
I recently watched The Dynasty on Apple TV on the great New England Patriot’s dynasty, and while it showed just how obsessive Tom Brady was with his health the second half of his career I have to wonder: how many Super Bowls would Tom Brady have if he just followed the OV8 method with Flamin’ Hot Cheetos before every big game?
We probably only have 2-3 years at most left of watching this Russian mutant defy the laws of nutrition and physics, and in that time with this new nutrition regimen there’s no stopping Ovi from getting to 895. And I hope Chester is there to greet him.
The Morning Skate 