Going into this season, no one had very high expectations for the Blues. Our best player is Robert Thomas (currently nursing a broken foot), and after him you have a team mostly made up of guys who might make most other team’s second line. MIGHT. Our ceiling is maybe squeaking into the playoffs via a colossal collapse of the Predators, our floor is being demoted to the ECHL.
Who is this random high school gym teacher in the photo above, the casual Blues fan may ask?
That is Ryan Suter, a 39 year old former somewhat-dman who has not just been bought out once-but twice. Making him only the 2nd player in NHL history to get bought out twice (basically a team telling a player please take some money and never play for us again). And for some reason the Blues signed him instead of letting any of our young prospects such as Tyler Tucker, Theo Lindstein, or Otto Stenberg get ice time.
The Blues are 17 games in and are 7-9-1, but if you’ve been watching lately you’d know that’s a miracle. The last 3 games have been:
-getting boat raced on home ice on a Saturday night by the Capitals of 8-1
-blowing a 2-0 lead going into the 3rd period Tuesday by giving up 3 unanswered to a struggling Bruins team
-blowing another 3rd period lead to a below-average Sabres team.
So as the bonafide most trusted voice in journalism for all things Blues, I knew you guys might be looking for something else to make you feel less depressed in the evenings. Don’t worry, I got you.
Here are the 5 things more entertaining than watching the Blues this season:
5. Go to a local old folks home and watch them play bingo-don’t join in on the game, that level of fun isn’t needed to beat out watching Ryan Suter try and be an effective NHL forward. Simply watch Grandma and Grandpa eat their cashews and not even notice when they’ve made BINGO.
4. This hour and 47 minute tutorial on how to use Microsoft Word. From 1989
3. Local high school chess tournaments. Don’t sit too close though, if you see young Timmy breaking a sweat when his opponent takes his bishop it may get too close to getting more exciting than watching Jordan Kyrou be on pace for less than 20 goals for $8 million a year!
2. The final season of Game of Thrones. Were you able to see a single fucking thing during the battle against the White Walkers, an enemy the show writers built up for like 5 years? Nope, but pitch black beats having to watch a power play that Stephen Hawking could defend.
- A 24 hour montage of political ads. Not the funny ones our presidential candidates ran, I’m talking local ads that the local high school football coach running for local appellate judge for your neighborhood watch that run past 10pm. Telling you that he’ll make sure that new bench outside the 38 year old high school building gets built, and you can count on it.
This elite list will continue to grow over time as the Blues continue to find new ways to show me that taking 2.5 hours of my evenings to watch them would be better spent enjoying a bubble bath with my air fryer, but it should get us all through the next few weeks until Thomas comes back.
The Morning Skate 