Earlier in summer the Blues pulled quite the shocker on it’s own fan base when they traded the extremely promising young forward Zach Bolduc to the Canadiens in exchange for their up and coming defensive prospect, Logan Mailloux.
At the time it was quite puzzling. Bolduc for the last few years had been a highly touted prospect noting some 50+ goal seasons down in junior, and after dipping his toes in the bigs during the 2023-2024 season he burst onto the scene once Jim Montgomery took over as the Blues skipper in November of 2024 by rounding out his season with 19 goals (good for 6th on the team).
What impressed me most about Bolduc though wasn’t his stat line, it was what other teams were doing as a response to him during games. He was only 21 most of last season, and once he hit his stride teams like the Avalanche and other top contenders were clearly planning their whole penalty kill defense around him and his disgusting one timer. Not Canadian Olympic Team candidate Robert Thomas, not perennial 30+ goal scorer Jordan Kyrou, 21 year old Zachary Bolduc.
So after such a good campaign at 21, what in the fuck knuckle could have happened to cause Doug Armstrong to trade him away for a guy who needs some serious coaching on his dating profile? (See here for reference, I don’t have the time)
So given Bolduc’s impressive season at just above drinking age (not that STL cares about those for it’s athletes) and Mailloux competing with Deshaun Watson for questionable off the field/ice issues, it must have panned out to be a pretty solid trade when it comes to hockey right?
Wrong. In 8 games Bolduc already has 4 goals and is an OK -1 (on pace for a 30 goal season), and Mailloux is an abysmal -7 as a defenseman.
So between the clear off ice issues, Bolduc looking like our next Jordan Kyrou, and Mailloux having no NHL experience, what could have caused Armstrong to make the move?
- Dropkicked Armstrong’s dog across the ice at Enterprise. Call Army a muppet fuck during arbitration? Fair. Tweet from your burner account when you get health bombed that Armstrong hasn’t showered since the 2019 Cup Parade? Also fair. Harming a man’s dog? Up to Canadia you go where more than half your contract goes to taxes and you don’t even have real football.
- Walked in on Armstrong dancing to “Pink Pony Club”. No offense to Chappell Roan here but if you maintain Armstrongs stoic, emotionless, “I don’t care if my first cup winning captain is a top 5 defenseman in the league he isn’t getting a no movement clause” lack of attachment to any player, you just can’t get caught singing “GOOOOOODDDDD WHAT HAVE YOU DOOOONNNE”.
- Took Armstrong’s wife to Olive Garden. If you’re going to steal your general manager’s old lady, it better be real Italian food that doesn’t require bottomless breadsticks in the ‘burbs to make it seem good.
- Said something along the’ lines of “I just don’t think Imo’s is that good” or “Arby’s is better than Lion’s Choice. If this occurred, we shouldn’t have traded him. We should have signed him to the worst contract ever at $500k a year, then sent him to Winnipeg instead of Montreal which is actually a respectable city
- Got discovered as a potential 9/11 conspirator. If you’re rumored to be involved in 9/11, you have to at LEAST net 30 PPG per year. 19 just isn’t going to cut it in this day and age if you want to be a terrorist and play hockey professionally.
If you’ve read this far and thought “wait none of these have to do with hockey”, you’re correct! Because it’s been almost four months since we made this trade and I still can’t put a single f*$#ing reason related to hockey why we’d trade Bolduc for an unproven defenseman confused Tinder with Pornhub (please prove me wrong Mailloux so I can update this list).
The Morning Skate 