Friday night, a massive bombshell hit the hockey universe: Quinn Hughes, arguably the 2nd best defenseman in all of hockey (I’d say Cale has established himself as the far and away #1 at this point), was traded from the Vancouver Canucks to the Minnesota Wild. The move was unprecedented for two reasons. One, it is not often a clear #1 defenseman who won the Norris 2 years ago get’s traded. Two, it seemed that at this point my dog could have told you he was going to New Jersey to join his other star brothers Jack and Luke.
But alas, big balls Billy Guerin of Minnesota pulls off a stunner. Not only acquiring a bonafide superstar defenseman and HOFer in Quinn Hughes, but doing it without hardly giving substantial up.
If you’re a Wild fan, you have got to be pissing yourself with joy right now. The entire 2020’s has been the Wild being the competent little brother of the Central behind the giants like the Avs, Dallas, Winnipeg (until Hellebuyck soils himself round 1 of the playoffs as is tradition), and before our collapse starting in 2021 the Blues. Speaking of which, as a Blues fan, we are so fucked.
In a division where our competition has legitimate top 15 player in the league level superstars left and right such as Nate Mackinnon, Cale Makar, Miro Heiskanen, Connor Bedard, and now Quinn Hughes, our roster can’t even sniff the farts of our competition. If you’re reading this and not super up to speed with how good the Central Divison is now, let me put it into perspective for you by listing some things that are going to happen in the future before the Blues win another division title (unless we secede to another division, or ask to be the University of Notre Dame of the NHL and be that weird dork in another division no one likes).
- Whatever species Elon Musk is will finally return to earth to collect their ambassador, causing Tesla’s stock to crash to $5. I’m not saying I’m a fan or a hater of Elon’s, but you can’t look at that man and how much smarter than the rest of us peasants he is and tell me he’s human.
2. People who run marathons and talk about it all the time will finally be forced to live on their own island, leading to immediate world peace around the entire world. I think this may actually be needed sooner than we think, so this is an easy one.
3. Hangovers will be cured with magic pills immediately.
4. Jennifer Aniston will finally stop looking insanely hot at the age of 107. At 56 ole Rachel from friends till has a Nolan Ryan level fastball.
5. Humans will try to cure Alzheimers using the DNA of primates, which will then backfire horrifically and cause an all out war between humans and apes.
6. A gifted slave boy is discovered and trained by an order of mystical peacekeepers. He falls to dark forces and becomes a feared warrior serving an evil emperor as a democratic government collapses into a tyrannical regime. Decades later, his son discovers his heritage and joins a resistance movement fighting the authoritarian empire. Alongside a smuggler and a rebel princess (who is revealed to be his twin sister), the young hero helps destroy a planet-killing superweapon. He confronts the dark warrior, learning he is his father, and through their final battle, redeems him. The corrupted warrior kills the evil emperor before dying, restoring balance to a mystical energy field that binds the galaxy.
The Morning Skate 