Gameday: The Battle of Pennsylvania

Today is the day. The Penguins will take on the Flyers tonight at 8 pm. As a Penguins fan, I love to hate the Flyers, and their fans. It’s a rivalry that never disappoints to produce good hockey, and if there ends up being a playoff meeting between the two once again, it might take years off of my life, but I will love every second of it. With game time approaching, here’s some things you can do to pass the time till then.

  1. Watch Hockey Highlights. Just make sure you watch them Back2Back.

2. Read the timeline of @PensFacebook71 on twitter to remind you that Pittsburgh fans can be morons too. Keeps ya humble and makes you feel superior to people at the same time. Just be careful not to burn yourself on the flaming hot takes.

3. Find the closest Wawa to your home, drive there, buy a couple hoagies, then throw that shit in the trash and go get a sandwich and throw some slaw and french fries on that bitccc. Maybe even top off your meal with a GOB if you’re feeling frisky.

4. Drink Iron City Beer, alternatively, go buy a case of Yuengling and drink it from a Pens cup, because that’s the only thing from Philly that will have touched a Cup since 1975.


5. Call your parents: Thank them for not raising you as a Filthadelphia fan and trash human.



71. Reflect on the Penguins Past: Remember when they were really close to being relocated in 2007, and then went to back to back Cup finals the next 2 years, winning in 2009? What a time.

87. Get down on your knees and pray to Penguins Jesus. Thank him for Sid, Geno, Phil, Tanger, GMJR, and all the others. Keep in mind that he can only hear you if you speak fluent “Pittsburghese” like a yinzer.

Congratulations, you made it through the day without throwing batteries at Santa Claus or pouring beer on small children. You didn’t even have to brag about how your city has a statue of a fictional boxer and you didn’t tell everyone you meet that cheesesteaks are just better in Philly because of the bread.

Now yinz go get a couple Arn City’s an have yourselves a night.

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