My Brother’s “f,r,t,h,v, d, and g” Keys Don’t Work

The other night I was on Facetime helping one of my brothers with his resume. He was smart enough to navigate the hockey world to play D3, but I would not call him a man of letters.

We were going through edits and he goes, “Kev, slow down. I don’t have ‘f, r, or t.’” 

But why, brother?

Image may contain: 1 person, standing and indoor

I’m like, “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know, they don’t work. I have to copy and paste,” he said. 

So my brother keeps old microsoft word documents opened so he can have pasteable letters ready to go. Soon it came out that his “g” key was malfunctioning (“Hang on, Kev, I’m looking for a ‘g.’)

Later in the conversation, I thought he was in deep thought about his personal statement. Suddenly, he said, “Fine, I’ll tell you the other ones I’m missing. “H and v. And d.”

The conversation took at least twice as long as it needed to.

Kid had five points in his D3 conference quarterfinal game this year and refuses to buy a new laptop or get it fixed (“absolutely not”). How did he afford an XBOX1 two months ago?

“That’s why I bought it, they were all cheaper than PS4’s. I made $700 doing instacart this week.”

The kid is going places.


Author: Puckraker

Puckraker grew up skating and retired after a Tier III NYS tournament appearance with the Great Neck Bruins. These days, Puckraker is a lawyer living the dream from New Orleans, where there are no hockey rinks.

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