Your Boston Bruins have officially shut it down through the Christmas break due to the NHL COVID Protocol. As of now, the boys are slated to get back on the ice Monday December 27th when they host the Pittsburgh Penguins at TD Garden. Now it would be a disservice to you Dear Reader, if I didn’t plumb the depths of the interwebs and consult a myriad of “health experts” to really find out what’s going on. We want the truth, but can we handle the truth? Do you want to see how deep this rabbit hole goes? Take my hand and let’s find out together.
First of all, from what I’ve gathered, the NHL is working in conjunction with the deep state to shut down our beloved hockey team from Boston. Why were the Bruins “forced” to play a game vs. the Islanders? Was it was to secure the Isle a much needed win and hand them 2 points in the standings that will come back to play a role later on down the line? Numerous reports have surfaced (that have not been verified in the slightest) that other teams were afforded the opportunity to have a team vote on whether or not to play shorthanded. Was a vote like that even offered to the Bruins? I think not. The Bruins were forced to play a game severely undermanned (forget that NY was without Mathew Barzal, that doesn’t fit the narrative), against a rested NY Islander team. This lends further credence to the “rumour” that Zdeno Chara chose to join the Islanders this year because he was promised a Cup. By whom was he promised you ask? Reports are that the order came from the very top of the conspiracy, but more on that later.
GM Don Sweeney went to Harvard and if there is a HQ for the Coastal Elite it has to be that science- based, book-reading, logical-thinking hellhole of a breeding ground over in Cambridge. I mean Team Owner Jeremy Jacobs attended the Harvard Business School Advanced Management Program and he is listed by Forbes Magazine as the 481st richest person in the world. 4-8-1: Do you see it? Let’s break down those numbers: 4 + 8 + 1 = 13. That’s got to be a sign!! Do you know who else went to Harvard? NY Rangers defenseman Adam Fox, that’s who. And guess who stole the Norris Trophy last season from Bruins D-man Charlie McAvoy? You guessed it: goddamn Adam “sneaky like a” Fox. Is nothing sacred? How deep does this go?!?
The Bruins were shut down after they apparently brought home the virus from their recent Canadian road trip. This road trip ended in Calgary with a win against the Flames who were among the first teams that were shut down. The Flames became a team in 1980, which you’ll remember was the year of the greatest moment in USA Hockey… that’s right: the Miracle on Ice. Based on my extensive research, that is where the seed of this Canadian resentment towards American hockey was planted. But the anti-Bruins bias runs deeper. The Calgary Flames moved from Atlanta, where the Atlanta Flames were incorporated in 1972: The year in which the Bruins won their last Cup prior to 2011. And who did they beat in 2011? That’s right, it was Canada’s least favorite team: The Canucks. The Bruins hatred runs deep in Alberta. My own TMS teammate Jenks has told me repeatedly that he “hates the Bruins and I don’t know why”. It’s ingrained in Western Canada and it’s permeating all the provinces. It’s all connected. It’s a mystery wrapped in a riddle hidden inside an enigma at the center of a spiderweb. It’s all shadows and innuendos man, whispers and gossamer just out of sight. Until now, I’m on the scent and we’ll track it all back to the goddamn center.
If you remember from the bubble playoffs, the Montreal Canadiens had juuuuuuuust enough points to qualify. If memory serves, they qualified for the bubble tournament by 1 point. Could that be why the Islanders were afforded the 2 points in a win over the shorthanded Bruins?? Is Canada (and to a greater extent the Montreal Canadiens) controlling the strings here and stealthily working against the Bruins? Could the Bruins longtime bitter rivals from North of the 49th parallel be the grand puppeteers in pulling the strings behind the NHL shutdowns? Have the Bleu Blanc et Rouge been surreptitiously planning the downfall of the Red White and Blue and Black and Gold all this time? We all know what REALLY happened when the Canadian government burned down the White House during the war of 1812! Those bastards North of the Border have been gunning for us for years. We take the best players of their national game, we take their brightest actors and funniest comedians and our appetite for maple syrup knows no bounds! This is clearly a well-planned synchronized attack on the American based teams in the NHL and their players; with the hidden motive to derail the Boston Bruins! It makes perfect sense. Lou Lamoriello is working with Pierre Trudeau to get The Cup back to Canada!! It’s long been an issue that the Bruins don’t have enough Canadian born players on the roster. It’s why they haven’t won more Cups. Where was Lou employed after his time in New Jersey? Oh yeah, it was in Toronto from 2015-2018. And how did those Leaf teams fair in the playoffs on his watch? I tell you how, they lost consecutive game 7s to the B’s and rightfully earned their “choker” label. This has to have been eating Lou alive since then. He’s finally engineered his revenge! This is direct payback against the Black and Gold! But I think it’s more than that. I think the Canadian’s got their hooks into Lou with an offer to take down the Bruins but I believe this is just the tip of the iceberg! This is a systematic takedown of NHL teams with a majority of American born players on their rosters! Wait, what? You want to compare other rosters that are shut down too? No, I’m sorry, there is no room for logic in this argument. The Canadians want their game back and they don’t care what they have to do to make it happen!
If you’ve made it this far in the blog, I applaud your grit and determination. The NHL and the NHLPA are taking every precaution possible to make sure that they do not contribute to the spread of COVID. If that means shutting teams down, (or pausing the season) they are prepared to do so.
All of the above arguments are ones that I have read, witnessed or heard (and then exaggerated for the blog) over the last 5-7 days which makes it abundantly clear that the most dangerous thing to all of us is stupidity.
If you’ve heard any wild conspiracy theories as to why the NHL is shutting teams down, feel free to send along to me @abrow28
Have a great holiday and I sincerely hope you all keep safe.