Keep Calm & Bergeron

Hello and good afternoon to all you cheery citizens of Black and Gold Nation. It’s been a minute since we’ve chatted and with the sting of a first round exit finally fading into the hinterlands of my THC-addled memory, I thought I’d check in and talk about my favorite hockey player and one of God’s perfect humans…

No, not that glorious bastard, I was talking about the other one…

there he is. There’s my guy. Mr. Patrice Bergeron-Cleary, the pride of Quebec and proof that The Hockey Gods are always smiling on us here in the Hub of Hockey because we’ve had the good fortune to watch this magnificent stallion stride across the Garden ice (and our hearts) for the last 20 freakin’ seasons.

If you’ve listened to any of our podcasts you know how I feel about Bergy, I mean at this point, Ked has started to track how long it takes me to bring him up each episode (and I wear that as a badge of goddamn honor). And if you haven’t been listening, I’ll ask you first: how dare you? and then I’ll ask you secondly, what the fuck you waiting for? The latest episode can be found here.

In the off-chance you’ve been totally checked out on the NHL since the Bruins premature playoff exit (and I don’t blame you in the slightest), the NHL had their annual award show the other night. Now I’ve sat through kids’ plays and music recitals and I literally watch paint dry for a living; but this was somehow more tedious. These “stars” that were presenters? I mean unless you currently date your sister (or want to bang a close relative), how would you know who the fuck these people were? The only guy I knew was my man Darius Rucker and that was all due to Hootie. BTW That band put out nothing but bangers and I’ll fight anyone who says different.

The highlight of the evening? It wasn’t seeing HC Jim Montgomery take home the Jack Adams and deliver a heartfelt speech. It wasn’t seeing Linus Ullmark snag his first Vezina and dodge Biz’ attempt at a weird stand-in goalie hug. It also wasn’t seeing David Pastrnak awkwardly deal with some yahoo’s kid that somehow got on the broadcast. The highlight of the entire show was Patrice Bergeron winning his NHL record 6th Frank J. Selke Award. Yup, you read that right Chumley. No one else in the history of hockey has won this 5x, but your boy Bergy has 6!

Not only has this beautician won the hardware 6x, but in his 20th season he earned 186 points out of a possible 196 possible first place votes. This was the most decisive win of his 6 and the most lopsided result in the trophy’s 45 year existence. The man ages like a fine wine.

Now I’m not going to get into the whole is he or isn’t he coming back for one more Cup run. I’ll leave that to the talking heads on sports radio or the idiots yelling on Facebook. Neither of the aforementioned groups take the time to give this man his due. In my mind, Bergy has earned the right to take whatever time he needs to make his decision and do what’s best for him and his family. And don’t read anything into the fact that he didn’t go to the awards show, he’s expecting another child soon so of course he stays home with his wife. The man can do no wrong.

As I’ve said many times before, we should all strive to be like St. Patrice. Grandparents love him, children gravitate to him, his wife never has to remind him to pick up his laundry and I’m pretty sure he can talk to animals – in either French or English. So instead of worrying about what he’s going to do, let’s simply thank him for what he’s done.

Merci beaucoup au parfait joueur de hockey et humain.