With Chanukah coming to a close this week (Dec 15th this year), I thought I’d give some love to the hockey playing members of The Tribe. There’s not a lot of us, so we have to give each other props whenever we can. I’m going to warn you ahead of time, this post got away from me a bit. For those here for their first time, I apologize. For those Dear Readers that have stuck with me: you know how I roll and what you’re getting into each time you click on one of my posts. I tried to give mention to every active Jewish player in the NHL and I think (hope) I got them all.
For inspiration I turned to the patron saint of Jewish funny people who have some connection (however remote it is) to the game of hockey. I’ll be honest, that Venn Diagram barely overlaps. That’s right boys and girls, we turn our lonely eyes to the pride of Manchester, NH (Manch-Vegas for those in the know) the Sandman himself: Adam Sandler.
So hum along if you’re so inclined, cause we all know his holiday classic: The Chanukah Song
Buckle up, cause here we go….
Ditch your bucket for your yarmulke
It’s time to talk Hockey Chanukah
Hey bud, what’s your over/under?
Bergy’s not Jewish, and that’s a bummer.
When you feel like the only kid, at the rink without a Christmas tree
Here’s a list of players who are Jewish, just like you and me:
Jakob Chychrun lights the lamp, and also the menorah
So does the recently retired Matthieu Schneider-ah.
Guess who eats together, at the Carnegie Deli?
(Probably) Gary Bettman and Michael Cammalleri
Bernie Wolfe rocked a sweet ‘stache, back in the day
Mike Brown saw that beauty and said to himself, that duster’s A-Okay.
Out in San Jose, there’s a Jewish center named Luke Kunin
We rip his coach on the podcast, you should all tune in.
The best goalies in the PWHL: just a couple of Jews
They’re both tough to go against, so you’ll most likely lose.
Aerin Frankel is in net for Boston, and Abby Levy for NY
One was on the podcast, and there’s no doubt she thinks I’m a dork.
Ulf Samuelsson: not a Jew.
But guess who is, all of the Hughes.
We got Luke, Jack and Quinn; yup we have all three
And the best goalie of the future, is a stud named Devon Levi.
Jason Zucker in Arizona, is a member of The Tribe
Stuck on the ‘Yotes, he needs to send Biz a bigger bribe.
The Oilers have Zach Hyman, riding on the wing
It’s got to be tough to have McJesus, and not get a ring (yet).
Jake Walman’s feeling pretty good, in the Motor City
Now that they’ve signed Showtime, it’s not completely shitty.
It’s still tough for Cole Guttman, who’s stuck playing for the ‘Hawks
But at least he wasn’t mentioned, in all of the Bedard’s mom talks.
There’s a former Norris winner, who just endorsed a bagel.
He’ll probably leave the Rangers, as soon as he is able.
That’s right Adam Fox, he lights the Menorah candles
Don’t hold it against him, poor guy doesn’t have McAvoy’s handles.
So tell your friend Travis Hamonic-ah
It’s time to celebrate Chanukah
I hope I get to meet Seth Rogen
Cause I’ve seen enough of Hulk’s Hogan
So when you’re at the rink, drink your cold Bud Heavy
Offered at every barn, it’s my favorite holiday bevy
And if you have the inclination, don’t be shy with the weed
Cause if you’re a Leafs fan, you know you’ll be in need.
Like the Hanson brothers said, it’s time to put on the foil
Heads up for all you gentiles, you gotta watch out for the Mohel!
So take off your bucket, and grab your Bruins yarmulke
From me to you have a Happy… Happy… Hockey… Chanukah!!
From all of us here at The Morning Skate: we wish you a Happy Chanukah, Merry Christmas and happy whatever you celebrate! Just be kind to each other (when you’re not on the ice.)
You can read more about Brownie down below or follow him on:
Twitter: @abrow28
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The Morning Skate 
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