There’s dorks, There’s Nerds, and Then There’s Anson Horace Carter of NHL on TNT.

Although I have some qualms with how the era of the NHL being on ESPN/TNT the last few years has gone (zero marketing about Frozen Frenzy, playoff games being at either 2pm or 10pm, ESPN anchors openly saying hockey isn’t a sport while freaking out anytime an NBA player sitting for “load management” farts in their direction. But one major positive has been their NHL on TNT talk show with Paul Bissonnette, Wayne Gretzy, Henry Lundqvist, Mark Messier, and more hockey hall of famers. The dynamic between Biz being an absolute degenerate, Gretzy still being the greatest gentleman representative hockey could ever ask for, and awesome analysis from HOFers like Lundqvist, Chris Chelios, and Mark Messier is just porn for the hockey soul.

But there’s ooooooooone part of that show that just sticks out like a thorn. Like a nun at a biker rally. Like a polar bear in the desert. Like the Toronto Maple Leafs in the 3rd round of the playoffs or later.

That thorn is Anson Carter. If you don’t watch the NHL on TNT, don’t worry I can make you be annoyed with this absolute dork with just a few clips.

Seems totally normal right? NHL players regularly get their own nicknames. Nathan Mackinnon is Nate Dogg, Sydney Crosby is Sid The Kid, Wayne Gretzky is “The Great One” (still the GOAT of athlete nicknames in my humble opinion), Ovechkin is The Great 8. But these are all nicknames given to these guys. Earned by tallying 50 goals a year, winning cups, gooning all over the hockey record books, etc. It’s a bit different when you give it to yourself and force it on everyone ANSON HORACE CARTER.

Now these guys are on TV, so Biz and the gang all just let it slide. Horace isn’t a hockey hall of famer, he isn’t arguably the biggest media personality in hockey like Biz, let him have something right?

Well after last night I am all out on that approach. After the Lightning vs Stars game last night, Jon Cooper decided to have some fun with the NHL on TNT gang and ask the questions himself for once instead of vice versa like it has been for over a decade for him. And let’s just say when it got to ole Horace, it got really awkward.

Now if this “punch your lights out” response came from Biz, I wouldn’t even question it was a bit. But coming from Ace and the way it sounded, this is clearly a mental midget awkwardly getting aggressive and playing it off like he’s getting because someone JOKINGLY called him out on something we ALL know. To make it worse, Jon Cooper is arguably the most universally well liked, respected coaches in all of hockey you dunce.

You could watch NHL on TNT one time, be watching hockey for the first time ever and you’d know this dork gave himself that nickname. No one else tries using it, he says it to start EVERY conversation, etc. You can just tell behind the scenes while the other guys are talking about actual hockey stuff or whatever ridiculous situation Biz got into last night, he’s following them like a leech going “hey guys seriously uhhh can you start calling me Ace it’s super cool everyone loves it”.

I’ll just say what the NHL on TNT guys won’t ever say: fuck you Horace you god damn -12 on your career dork who can’t take a joke mental midget. Get Horace off NHL on TNT and put Heatdaddy on or someone at least somewhat entertaining.

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