By now you’ve most likely already read my boy Fink’s great breakdown on the US men’s hockey team. And if you haven’t yet, please hit pause and put your eyeballs on his manifesto forthwith. My brotha-from-anotha-motha makes it easily digestible for even the most hockey-ignorant amongst us. I mean he even broke down the schedule for crying out loud. He’s spoon feeding you the info. Well that ‘aint happening here. I’m here to give you the flip side of that coin. That’s right, the gold coin with the loon on it, strong and free. I’m giving you the break down of the eventual Gold Medal winner: Team Canada.
With Team USA announcing one of the biggest squids on the planet as their captain; I’m leaning into my Canadian heritage (and pending dual citizenship) to give you my breakdown of Team Canada. So put another log on the fire, grab your Timbits and let’s see what this team is all aboot.
With the blessings of the Canadian Guardian, here we go…
Let’s start with the net and work our way out:
Goaltenders:
- Darcy Kuemper LAK – The Kings are currently 3 points out of the wild card and looking up at a whole lotta teams. They are tied with Vegas for the most OTL in the league and that is just one of the contributing factors as they also have a -15 goal differential (ouch). That is to say, the Kings suck. Maybe Artemi Panarin will close that gap? This is an aging roster with not a lot of punch up front. Kuemper is doing his part with a winning record, but he has a pedestrian .900%SV and a ghastly 2.59GAA. My guess is he won’t be seeing the ice in Italy.
- Logan Thompson WAS – The Caps are also in the wild card hunt as of right now, and are tied with the Blue Jackets at 3pts out of the playoff structure. I mean how good of a team are the fans at Capital One Arena expecting when Tom Wilson is the team leader in points (not a typo). Thompson is a very athletic and dynamic player in net, but his numbers aren’t much better than Kuemper’s at 2.45GAA and a .912%SV but I chalk this up to a younger guy finding his game on a shitty team (28 years old), vs. a guy on the backside of a career (Kuemper is 35) on a shitty team. I think Thompson will be lights out on an Olympic team with this amount of talent, but that’s certainly not the Caps right now.
- Jordan Binnington STL – say what you want about this donkey (and I’ve said quite a bit over the years), but you cannot deny that he shows up for the biggest games. Widely known as one of the NHL players that you’d love to punch in the face, the Blues’ fans love him and rightly so. And across the international stage? Binnington dummied the Americans at the 4 Nations and his advanced statistics were better than Connor Hellebucyk in that same tourney. As I said, the guy shows up in the big moments.
Defense:
- Travis Sanheim PHI – have you seen this guy wheel? Wait until he’s doing so on the Olympic sheet. Puck-moving, outlet-making, tough 2-way defenseman with offensive flair.
- Devon Toews COL – The other half of the best duo on the blue line in the NHL. Pencil them in for 20-25 TOI for each game in this tourney and don’t worry about them in any situation.
- Cale Makar COL – the best defender on the planet. Hands down, no argument. This kid can do it all and oh yeah, he’s got his partner with him. As a top pair, they are unstoppable. And to play in the Olympics with the guy you’ve been paired with for over 4 years? C’mon.
- Thomas Harley DAL – from reports, this 2-way threat is starting the tourney in street clothes, but you could easily slot him in with Sanheim for a very dangerous 2nd pair. Harley can skate with anyone and has great on-ice vision. He’s top 4 for any other country.
- Shea Theodore VGK – This is my guy. I honestly don’t know why Theodore isn’t a bigger star. An absolute stud that can eat minutes, contribute at both ends and play in all situations. The fact that he’s penciled in on the 2nd pair just shows how deep this team is on the back end. I flat out love his game.
- Josh Morrissey WPG – Another elite puck moving defenseman. Early reports have him skating with Theodore and that’s going to be must watch. Morrissey has a bit of snarl to his game which will also come in handy.
- Colton Parayko STL – another stud starting out in the press box. Big, mean, fast and he can skate. Oh yeah, he also brings a booming clapper with him to Italy. Just another killer waiting for his chance.
- Drew Doughty LAK – the ultimate vibes guy. The stories about Doughty are legendary and I think Canada put him on the 3rd pair to start as a nod to what he’s done over his career (as opposed to being a healthy scratch). Doughty can still be very effective and he’s def the type of guy to wind it up for one last shot at the Gold (and at the Tkachuks), so I wouldn’t count him out. It would be tough to sit him, but as I’ve illustrated above, there are numerous contenders for his slot.
Forwards:
- Nick Suzuki MTL – projected to be the 3C between Wilson and Marchand? Yikes, one of these things is not like the others! Suzuki is a 200ft player, but like Marner, I don’t know if he’ll survive the physicality. If he plays with these wingers, they will create room for him to operate, but Sam Bennett plays center also (just saying)
- Mitch Marner VGK – talent for days and can keep up with Connor McDavid, but we all know how he folds under pressure like a beach chair. Ask Leafs fans about how he does in competitive situations. I also think he’s a head-case and he’d be my first demotion if I was the bench boss.
- Macklin Celebrini SJS – watching Celebrini run with McDavid is going to be ridiculous. This is a defensive coach’s nightmare. The best player on the planet and the young buck who somehow has exceeded expectations again in only his 2nd season. He’s going to hit 100pts before he’s 20 and is only getting better and better and better.
- Mark Stone VGK – Mr. LTIR straps it up for the Olympics. The fact that he’s slotted in as the LW on the 4th line tells you how deep this squad is. Despite any physical limitations due to his mileage and injury history, Stone will be a great leader in the room/on the ice and will provide a spark every time he’s in the lineup. Could see him and Seth Jarvis in a platoon situation depending on matchups.
- Bo Horvat NYI – The 4th line center between Stone and Brandon Hagel is a beast on and off the puck. Talk about being a prick to play against, that’s Horvat. You could put him anywhere on the bottom 3 lines and he’d excel. He will also will kill penalties and grind down low and along the wall. I heard a player describe hitting him as dropping a shoulder into a brick wall. Wonder if that will be proven useful matched up against either Tkachuk, Charlie McAvoy or Tage Thompson?
- Brandon Hagel TBL – a poor man’s Brad Marchand? He’s a great agitator, a highly skilled player and tough to play against. This team is made up of a great combo of elite high end talent and top NHL players that have the mindset of grinders: That’s Hagel. This guy plays like he’s still fighting to get out of the AHL.
- Tom Wilson WAS – you all know him and what he brings. I see your Tkachuk and I will raise you a Wilson. Also Willy has shown the last few years that he can actually play.
- Seth Jarvis CAR – If your group of friends will drive from Winnipeg to Boston to watch you play in the 4 Nations, that speaks about how good of a guy you are. When that same group is planning/scheming how to get to Italy to support their boy… that tells you that Jarvis is a dude (and he can play). Projected as an extra forward, he will provide a boost when he plays. As I said above, I could see him and Stone (and if I was running things Suzuki) in a platoon rotation. Fuck it, add Marner to that rotation if he starts whining.
- Connor McDavid EDM – the greatest player in the world wants nothing more than to win. All that pent up rage over the Cup finals? You’re going to see McJesus in full on DESTROY mode. You can’t stop him, you can only (slightly) slow him down – he’s on a mission.
- Sam Bennett FLA – I’d have him in over Suzuki, but I don’t have that pull. Plays right to (and usually over) the line and will do anything to win. Bennett – Marchand – Wilson is a line that lives in a rat-loving hockey fan’s fever dream (it’s me, I’m that fan and that’s my dream)
- Sam Reinhart FLA – slated to be skating with Sid and Nate, Reinhart is going to fill the net. FLA is going to be glad they already have him locked up long term once he becomes a national hero in this tournament. His quick release is going to be a perfect match for Crosby’s vision and MacKinnon driving the zone creating space.
- Brad Marchand FLA – making his Olympic debut at 37, Marchy is going to go off. This guy lives for the big stage and there’s no bigger stage than this. And I’d be willing to wager that the team rallies around getting him his Gold. Don’t count out his drive to win, trust me.
- Nathan MacKinnon COL – You want to talk about drive? If there’s someone that will drive this team to the top of the medal stand it’s Nate-Dog. Another one of the “bluenoses” from NS that won’t accept anything less than the Gold. He’ll be slapping bowls of pasta out of his teammates hands in no time.
- Sidney Crosby PGH – what’s left to say about this guy? The best captain and leader playing hockey today. From our friend Gino Hard, the tale of the tape…
But hey, Matthews wins all types of individual awards, so that’s something right?
Per the most recent reports of Canada’s lineup (yesterday TSN.com and NHL.com), this is what they’re rolling out with:
Celebrini – McDavid – Marner (I’d leave this alone until Mitchie crumbles then put in Reinhart)
Crosby – MacKinnon – Reinhart (Toss Marchand here with Reinhart on the top line)
Marchand – Suzuki – Wilson (Marner here & Suzuki on short leash with Bennett on the bench)
Hagel – Horvat – Stone (When Stone gets hurt, activate Jarvis or put Wilson here)
———————————–
Jarvis
Bennett
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Toews – Makar
Morrissey – Theodore
Sanheim – Doughty (I’d put Harley in over Parakyo but either way is good)
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Parakyo
Harley
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Binnington
Thompson
Kuemper
So that’s it. I present your Gold Medal winning Canadian Men’s Hockey Roster. The only advantage the US squad has is in net, and I don’t see that coming into play as Canada will be able to outscore anyone they face. And as much as I like Connor Hellebuyck, we all are aware of his “issues” in high pressure moments.
And If US Hockey is going to keep force-feeding us Matthews as the face of their program, then they are destined to fall short, (just ask the Leafs). I’d give the red, white and blue a better chance if they elevated Jack Eichel into that role or Dylan Larkin or hell, even Tage Thompson. The US squad just doesn’t have the grit: for every Brady Tkachuk there’s a Jack Hughes. This tournament is a condensed version of the NHL playoffs and you tell me, how do all those 10-ply floater type of players fare then?
Oh Canada, our home and native land…
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