Here I am, just minding my business on a beautiful August afternoon, when Brian “I make rumors up like I’m god damn Eklund E5” Lawton comes knocking down my door with this tweet:
Let me translate this tweet for you:
” Some guy who’s moms gynoclogysts nephew vacuums the Bruins locker room has informed me that the Bruins still have not signed David Pasternak. Is that how you spell it? I don’t know, nor care, cause I’m a hack job. Anyway just like any other person with half a brain I remember that the Bruins have traded young studs in the past so I’m going to suggest he could possibly be traded. What do I have to lose I’m a former bust of a number 1 overall pick who works for a TV station that constantly plays those “HELP I’VE FALLEN AND I CAN’T GET UP” commercials in primetime slots and maybe I can get a few twitter followers in the slowest week of summer with this HOT TAKE.”
My point being that there is literally no validity to this tweet Bruins fans. Strap off those diapers, and take a deep breath. I will give you a few reasons why this makes no god damn sense.
- Its called negotiations guys. This is what happens. The players agent shoots high and the team shoots low. They meet in the middle and everyone slaps each other on the ass and says job well done. Remember a month ago when Calvin de Haans agent was asking for 5 million dollars, that stupid white SUV in the Barclays crowd and equity in Roc-a-fella Records for his contract? Well guess what, he got 1 year at 3 million.
- “But the bruins traded Kessel, Hamilton, and Seguin!” Yeah, let me stop you there. I’ve said it before but Pasta is not wearing Husky sized jeans from Gap like Kessel. He does not have mommy and daddy crying that the organization won’t sign his little brother like Hamilton. And Pasta has yet to go on a week long bender in the public eye, like Seguin. There is no way the Bruins organization can spin zone this one to make themselves not look like absolute dog shit. Pasta has done everything right along the way, on and off the ice. Try to justify trading this guy away to a championship hungry town, you can’t.
- On the same note, Sweeney has made it pretty clear in his time in Boston he wants to build a championship team through the draft. Mcavoy, Carlo, Bjork, Heinen, Lauzon, Zboril, Debrusk, Lindgren, JFK …. the list is literally never ending. What message does it send to these kids if you trade away ANOTHER young stud from this franchise. As of right now all of these prospects have expressed how happy they have been with the Bruins organization from their development program to their plan for the future. Why toss that all away? The Bruins are so close to escaping the past of the Seguin debacle, are they really going to shoot themselves in the foot again? I know Donny Sweeney has made a few questionable decisions that make you wonder if he got his education at Bunker Hill Community College, but let me assure you he is a Harvard man. I trust that Donny is bringing those Ivy League nuts to the table at negotiations.
- Did I mention Lawton rumors are questionable at best? If not, heres a reminder that makes my take CREDIBLE. It took what, 20 minutes for Darren Dreger to get on the horn, talk to Chiarelli and call bullshit. Basically Dreger told Lawton that being a NHL insider is a big boys game and if you can’t hang get off the tracks cause the trains coming. My point being, until Bobby Mac or Dreger put down their Pina Coladas and chime in, this is all bologna.
- THIS RUMOR HAS BEEN
Now thats off my chest I can get back to drinking a few casuals on this beautiful summer night. Roll the tapes!