Keds Skills Competition Breakdown

I never really know what to think of these events. I don’t really like the All Star game and I’d much rather watch real hockey, but every year I find myself watching this. It’s crazy how talented these guys are, which is awesome to watch but also incredibly saddening. These guys live the god damn dream, get paid the big bucks and get to showcase their skills every year while I sit on my coach contemplating going round 2 with Stewart’s deli dogs. Anyways, now for my breakdown of the event.


Fastest Skater

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McDavid—13.454 seconds

It’s so depressing thinking these guys could skate this backwards faster than myself going forward. I’m going to blame it on the lack of power skating classes—ya, that’s it.

So McDavid won, ya I know, shocking. The only way to describe it is that one player who played college/junior going to an 50+ adult hockey skate in the local rink in Manitoba. While these old farts are dicking around trying to make a tape to tape pass, this local legend is making them hate their lives. About half of the veterans hang up the skate immediately afterwards and stick to golf from then until forever. McDavid has another gear that no one in the NHL has. As a defenseman, its impossible to have a good gap against this guy. The kid has wheels and tells refs to fuck off so he’s fine by me.



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Pietrangelo—46.61 seconds


I don’t know much about Pietrangelo, but I love this guy. I’ve heard he’s one the best D in the league and I don’t know that much about him? Great marketing, NHL. Bettman you’re a RAT. Pretty pumped he beat that asshole from Thunderbay as well. I would describe myself as a franchise level playmaker in adult league but this competition would take me 2 and a half weeks to complete along with 100K pucks. Absolutely ABSURD.


Goalie Streak

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Marc Andre Fleury- 14 save streak

Stopping 14 straight is quite the accomplishment. I don’t like Fleury—I hate how the NHL prances around acting like he’s the pope. Even though I don’t like him, he is a hell of a goalie. The one thing about Fleury, more than any goalie, is the fact that he has fun with it. I’ll always get fired up when I see a two pad stack and I love how he batted probably 20 pucks into the stands. Lastly, apparently the goalies pick their music for this?



I love Demi Lovato.


Puck Control Relay

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Johnny Gaudreau-24.65

Remember how I said the passing competition would take me 2 and a half weeks? Yeah, this one would probably take me a year. I don’t like to make excuses, so I won’t, but I blame this on my coaches who continually told me to dump the puck. No skill development just 4th line plays. Johnny Hockey takes this one home beating out the likes of Patty Kane, JT, and Seguin. Love when an American takes home a win.


Fastest Shot

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Alex Ovechkin—101.3

Ovechkin dusted the competition this year, being the only player who shot over 100MPH. Isn’t that wild? It was not that long ago when Chara was sending 108MPH missiles on net and now we have only one player over 100MPH. I’m pretty happy for OV though. OV shoot 100+ in round 2? We all know the Caps flourish in the second round. All in all, OV was pretty lucky it didn’t go to a third round. ZING.


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Brock Boeser=11.136

I had a problem with these stupid light up targets. WAYYY cooler when those fuckers explode.

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Also, I don’t like how you can’t measure up to the greats, like this.

NHL, sometimes change isn’t a bad thing.

Brock Boeser, or the player whose last name ill never be able to pronounce, put on a clinicccccc. 20 years old and this guy knows the definition of precision. I don’t know where this guy is from but he has a Cali vibe to him. “Grip it and rip it” hahah absolutely, grip it and rip it Brock.


Overall it was a great excuse to just kick back and watch some elite hockey players do their thing. Now that this is over, the real question here is who is ready for Kid Rock tomorrow?

Author: Ked

1st line thoughts with a 4th line heart. Hope you guys enjoy the site and let us know what we can do to make it better. ALWAYS remember-- When in doubt, glass and out.

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