Erik Karlsson is Officially a Home-Dresser

You know, or knew that kid. He shows up to the rink with his helmet already strapped up over his rec-specs (NERD), skates in hand, most likely rolling his stupid rolling bag (reminder: EMPTY) behind him like a god damn idiot.

The Home-Dresser is a strange species…Why anyone in their right mind would want to ride in a car with their crusty pads on the entire drive is beyond me. Maybe its insecurity of getting dressed in the locker room, maybe its that they just want to sit in their own stink for as long as possible in a cramped car. Maybe their parents are awful drivers and they just want to feel safe on the road, because a thousand pound death machine cruising 25 over the limit can’t hurt you if you’ve got that Bauer 4500 strapped up. I honestly couldn’t tell you which is the answer, but if I had to guess, it’s the first one. Which brings us to Erik Karlsson. Photo’s were released today that showed Erik Karlsson showing up to Senators practice in full gear…

One of the best players in the NHL showed up to practice in full gear, skates in hand. He has a top notch facility, and he chose to not dress in the locker room…but why?

1: Avoiding Eugene Melnyk.

In the days leading up to the trade deadline, it looked from the outside that Erik Karlsson was going to be told #PACKYOURSHIT and actually get dealt. Add a pinch of absolutely ridiculous drama with owner Eugene Melnyk, and it looked like a deal was imminent.

But alas the deadline passed and Karlsson stayed in Ottawa. And now, it has been reported that the Senators are going to offer Karlsson an extension, and Karlsson has “expressed interest” in staying in Ottawa.

We all know he doesn’t mean that. So in order to avoid the Senators management, He obviously has to limit his time at the facility. Lord knows he doesn’t want to be caught in a vulnerable spot, slipping into his jockstrap at his locker stall, where he can be cornered. So being a Home-Dresser just means he lowers his chances of encountering management.

2. Contract Negotiations

If Erik Karlsson does embrace the Home-Dresser life, thus spending less time at team facilities, he is raising his value when he does finally get some contract negotiations. He can argue that since he doesn’t use any of the electricity in the locker room, he should be reimbursed for saving the team money. He’s really just being that shitty roommate who wants to only pay for the utilities that he used instead of splitting it evenly, because ACTUALLY he only showers once a week. But don’t get me wrong I like this play in contract negotiations, adding $145.73 on top of his salary is huge for a guy who only makes $6.5 million a year.

So Erik Karlsson is a weird guy. Being a Home-Dresser is weird and Karlsson is NOT going to make it a thing. But it actually does raise his value. Weird.

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