Jeremy Roenick Needs His Own TV Show

The other night after JR went for a skydive, I thought to myself that this guy needs a TV show. We’ve already seen JR do some weird shit so why don’t we have him make a living doing it. My proposal is to have JR bounce around NHL city to NHL city doing a bunch of weird shit in a 30 min TV slot. Are you intrigued? Good, because I listed out something for each city my boy JR could get into.

Anaheim Ducks

You could have JR swim with some ducks, but what about getting Joshua Jackson and that weird pervert Goldberg out on some black top with Roenick. Time to lace up the roller blades and give us some D2 Mighty Ducks. Maybe bring in 300lb Keenan Thompson to rip some knuckle pucks.

Arizona Coyotes

I’d like to see JR and Derek Stepan go on a coyote hunt. This would end in Stepans bald head covered in cactus prickers and JR being humped by a mid sized coyote but this would be FUNNY.

Boston Bruins

Head on up to the Berkshires where JR can try to battle a black bear. I can see the wildlife guys try and shoot the bear with a tranquilizer, miss, and drill JR right in the ass. I’m talking Old School all over again, this time with JR and a big ass bear.

Buffalo Sabres

Jeremy Roenick and Bills Mafia are two peas in a pod. There isn’t an individual on Earth who fits the mold of people jumping into burning tables more than JR. He would inevitably light himself on fire and would do the remainder of the interview in the ER with the rest of the injured Bills Mafia.

Calgary Flames

The Calgary Stampede is what turns boys into men. This giant country festival mixed rodeo is exactly what JR would thrive in. Put JR on a bull and watch the ratings SOAR. Cowboy hats and belt buckles, baby.

Carolina Hurricanes

I don’t know how often a Hurricane hits the Carolinas but I’d give good money to watch Jeremy Roenick outside wearing a snorkel and flippers hanging onto a tree as the storm hits. Close your eyes and picture that and theres no chance youre not smiling right now.

Chicago Blackhawks

I don’t really know what to say here because the Blackhawks have a controversial logo so you guys can think of this one on your own.

Colorado Avalanche

Get JR up in the Rockies and have him start an Avalanche. Watching JR roll down a mountain as the Abominable Snowman would be a sight for sore eyes.

Columbus Blue Jackets

I have no idea what a Blue Jacket is but it’d be fun to watch John Tortoralla and JR hang out. I’d give it all of 14 minutes before Torts was hurling JR through a fast food window.

Dallas Stars

Dallas is in Texas. Texas is high school football. If Jeremy Roenick was in Friday Night Lights he would be Buddy Garrity and if Buddy Garrity was an NHL analyst he would be Jeremy Roenick. Have JR cover a game at Ratliff stadium and watch the Permian Panthers do their thing.

Detroit Red Wings

JR goes to Detroit wear he takes a vintage Ford Mustang on a ride through the streets of 8 mile. I don’t exactly know what would happen but it’d be interesting to watch nonetheless.

Edmonton Oilers

JR and Connor McDavid spend the day in their pajamas watching the glory days of Mark Messier and Wayne Gretzky. This will leave Connor McDavid uneasy as JR will spend most of the afternoon crying.

Florida Panthers

Florida Zoo. Panther Cage. JR. $$$$$$

Los Angeles Kings

JR will try and become the King of LA and the only way to do that is to try and marry the Queen. Watching JR try and wheel Taylor Swift will be a lesson to all adolescent teenagers of what not to do.

Minnesota Wild

Remember that episode of The Office where Michael Scott goes into the woods like survivor? Yeah, that, but with JR in the middle of the Minnesota forest. Will he be eaten by a gopher? Maybe, we’ll see.

Montreal Canadiens

JR has to try and get Canadien citizenship. This episode will see JR in the middle of a Canadian library studying culture and history of Canada.. Meaning there will be Canadian coloring books and Muzzy DVDs.

Nashville Predators

Screen Shot 2018-05-30 at 4.07.31 PM.png

Canoodling. I tried finding the video from last years playoffs but it’s RIP. I’d like to watch JR go into the water again in a more in depth way. Look at those eyes, they’re everything.

New Jersey Devils

What is there to do in New Jersey? Roenick would probably visit the outside of the Prudential center with the Devils mascot and maybe go on some sort of nature walk? To be honest, I have no idea. Maybe get Scott Stevens to head hunt him in the middle of the road? No idea

New York Islanders

Oh yeah, its reunion time. Bring back all the crazies from the Coliseum and have a 80s retro dance night and have JR host. All old Islander players along with all their old friends would be quite the scene.

New York Rangers

JR would convince the Rangers to sign him to a 7 year 9 million dollar deal because EVERYONE knows the Rangers love making those kind of deals. Then we’d watch JR and Ron Duguay hit the club in what could be the battle of the century.

Ottawa Senators

Skate the river JR! One of the things I’ve always wanted to do, have Roenick skate the river with Eugene Melnyk. Sens fans, serious question, who would you want to fall through first?

Philadelphia Flyers

Tell JR that he has a parachute and watch him jump off the Rocky statue trying to fly. He clearly won’t have a parachute but you better believe he will try this more than one time.

Pittsburgh Penguins

Dress JR up like a penguin and have him walk around Pittsburgh asking people questions of the cities. Don’t record anything, because Pittsburgh gets all the coverage, but tell him its for the show. You’ve essentially made JR look like a douchebag Penguin for the day which is something we can all get behind.

St. Louis Blues

It’s NELLY TIME. JR teams up with Nelly as the guys go Country Grammar in the streets of St. Louis. Something tells me JR would be so uncomfortable, making for the best entertainment.

San Jose Sharks

Why do I love JR? Because if we asked him to swim with sharks I think he’d do it no questions asked. And by no questions asked, I mean no questions asked. So yeah, no protective cage. Somehow he’d get out of this too..

Tampa Bay Lightning

Thunder storm, metal object, hope for the best.

Toronto Maple Leafs

Time to get some Maple Syrup as JR goes to Canada plugging every tree on his way to Syrup glory. Only problem is, JR doesn’t know what a Maple tree looks like, so he leaves Toronto treeless as he heads on to his next city.

Vancouver Canucks

Whale watching with JR could be pretty funny. Put the Sedins on the same boat for 30 min of TV awkwardness and silence. It’s like a crash, something you don’t want to see but can’t stop looking at.

Vegas Golden Knights

Convince JR that he has the ability to count cards and watch him try and go Rainman in the Vegas Casino.

Washington Capitals

Jeremy Roenick for 2020

Winnipeg Jets

Have JR stand behind 20 Winnipeg Jets and have them fire it up. That or spend a day with JR and Dustin Byfuglien. I wouldn’t watch it because of JR but because of Dusty Buffs. That guy is incredible.

What do you guys think? Can you think of other things JR can do?! Let us know in the comments or on Twitter!

Author: Ked

1st line thoughts with a 4th line heart. Hope you guys enjoy the site and let us know what we can do to make it better. ALWAYS remember-- When in doubt, glass and out.

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