John Tortorella Gets Two Year Extension: Top 5 Torts Moments

What a day for Torts and what a day for the average NHL hockey fan. A ton of Rangers fans seem to hate this guy but I absolutely loved him. Torts taught the Rangers defense and accountability after a few years with one of the most boring people in the history of the world, Tom Renney. Torts’ no nonsense, hard working, meat and potatoes type play propelled the Rangers to the playoffs and a couple of pretty decent runs. To this day, Im convinced the Rangers of 2012 was their best shot at a cup and I’ll take that to my grave.

 

 

*horny*

 Having said all of this, I’m pumped for Johnny boy and wanted to highlight my top 5 favorite Torts moments, in no particular order.

 

Torts vs. Calgary

 

 

Who can forget this one. Brian McGratton having to hold back a pissed off John Tortorella is laugh out loud funny. Facewash city population Calgary Flames. People often ask what Torts was thinking and if you ask that you clearly don’t know him. Why? Because obviously he wasn’t thinking. All you need to know about John Tortorella is in this youtube video.

 

Torts vs. Larry Brooks

 

 

 

Ali vs. Fraiser. David vs. Goliath. Tortorella vs. Brooks. Torts asking Larry Brooks to go him is A+. “You were probably beat up at the bus stop most of the time” is just a dagger to Larry Brooks’ self esteem. Torts couldn’t physically harm Larry in front of all of those reporters so the next best thing was to emasculate him. Who was the big bad bully of the play ground? You bet your ass it was John Tortorella.

 

Tortorella Sticking up FTB

 

 

Torts is a ride of die guy. After Derek Stepan got blasted by Brooks Orpik knee to knee, Torts took shots at Crosby and Malkin by calling them crying babies. Why was this so awesome? Because literally everyone in the world thought this and hadn’t had the balls to say it. Torts on the other hand? Balls dragging on the ground. Thats how you stand up for your team and you bet your ass the boys in the locker room were fired up about it afterwards.

 

Torts vs. Ovechkin

 

 

I love coaches that talk shit to the players. Growing up thats always a big no-no. If a player talked to an opposing player, shit would hit the fan and there’d probably be a parent fight out in the parking lot, and thats just when we were kids. How about a professional hockey coach telling a superstar captain of a team to fuck off? Pure poetry.

Torts, Big Balls Guy

 

 

Earlier in this video i talked about balls dragging on the ground in an attempt to lay down something us in the writing world call foreshadowing.This 11 second video makes me almost piss myself every time I watch it. 2018, in a land where everything you say is under a microscope and Torts is just talking balls. Personally, I love him but you HAVE to think the PR team have all lost about 100 pounds and started to bald within 5 minutes of this contract extension.

So there you have it. Torts, I just wanted to say, thanks for being you and for the love of god never change. If I missed any memorable Torts moments, let me know.

 

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