I came across this article today (shout out to my boy Gibby) about how long it would take to resurface Lake Superior with a Zamboni. 693 years was the final verdict, given a 7 minute average time for an NHL size rink. I found this article fascinating and full of shit at the same time. Anyone who knows anything about hockey knows that 7 minutes to resurface is not reality. It’s more like 12 minutes if you’re a solid driver. To quote my boy Gibby, “this idiot who wrote the article probably timed an NHL game zamboni job where they used 2 zambonis.” My boy Gibby worked as a Boni driver for 4 years and would be considered an expert in the field. His only hiccup was bursting the propane tank at the rink and completely ruining an entire youth hockey tournament. But that’s besides the point.
I’m linking the article below, but they go into the time for every Great Lake. The times are off but pretty interesting to say the least. Don’t worry I fixed the time it would take for us salt of the Earth people that play our 10pm games and only have one zamboni cutting the ice.
Lake Superior – 1,187.68 years.
Here are the rest of the lakes based off the salt of the Earth calculation (12 minutes).
Lake Huron – 858.42 years
Lake Michigan – 836.19 years
Lake Erie – 371.07 years
Lake Ontario – 273.60 years
Total time – 3,526.96 years
The article below is still pretty interesting but the numbers are for the bougie elites who never blocked a shot in their life. Give it a read or at least a click because they do deserve some credit, just not as much as me.