What The Hockey Stick You Use Says About You

Disclaimer: This is extremely accurate and not up for debate.



I stopped working in a pro shop abt a year ago so I haven’t sold some of these but I know people who have them #moreyouknow #hockey #hockeyboys #fyp

♬ Funky Town – 70s Hits

Bauer Vapor 1x and 2x: You’re most likely a center and the captain of your team, and you also make it a point to show that your family has money.

STX Surgeon RX2: We all bought this because of the weird shape thinking it would be like the next big thing when really it was an average stick at best. You’re also involved in a pyramid scheme of some kind.

CCM Ribcore Trigger series: Cockiest player on the team, constantly shits on Jack Hughes while simultaneously wishing you were him.

Bauer NSX: Let’s be honest, you forgot your stick so you picked this up for $50 at the pro shop 15 minutes before you go on the ice.

Bauer Supreme: Apparently people really like this stick… Definitely a grinder and team player, but you keep to yourself and talk shit about your teammates behind your back.

ANY Warrior stick: You never pass, think you’re the best player on the team and tell people you’re going to the NHL even though you play house.

Jetspeed: Sick flow and an all-around sick player. Sorry, I don’t make the rules.

Bauer Nexus 1N and 2N: Well liked by everyone on the team, definitely gets a lot of points, and controls the music in the locker room. All around great person.

Nexus ADV: First of all, why would you buy this? The hole in the blade literally does nothing. That said, you think that having more expensive equipment makes you better, and blame your equipment if you don’t play well. No one likes you.

Vapor Flylite: You go on and on about the kick point and weight distribution on it but you have no idea what any of that means.

Any True stick: You’re that person that buys like 5 new sticks a year and this is just one of those.

CCM Supertacks series: You either love the game and play just for fun, or you play ACHA D1 and say you play college hockey when you don’t. It’s just club, stop saying you play college hockey, we don’t care if you play NCAA D3 teams.

Sherwood or wood stick: You’re either 5, and this is the first stick you got, or 50 and tear up beer league.


Author: CBode

Student at the University of Wisconsin, social media for the Badger Mens Hockey team. Former USA NTDP intern. Follow me on TikTok @cbode

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