Ode to Fantasy Hockey

The puck has dropped on another NHL season. Some teams have begun their journey to hoist Lord Stanley’s Cup, some are still recovering from the offseason and that damn pandemic. (Stars I really want to see some hockey from you soon. Take all the vitamins and stay hydrated. Thanks, love you.) So why am I here frantically flipping through ten different games that aren’t the Dallas Stars? It’s simple, fantasy hockey.

The ever popular fantasy sports has taken the world by storm. Adults pretending they are actual GM’s of major sports franchises, but these franchises are usually named after players on their team and a random term for a bowel movement or booze. I didn’t say we acted like adults. Hockey is no exception. Sure football is the most popular fantasy sport, because it’s easy. You just need to set your lineup 15 to 20 times in a season and make a few waiver wire pickups and trades? Psh. That’s week one in fantasy hockey.

Every single night you are maniacally finding ways to slide an active player into your lineup to make sure you have the maximum amount of guys on the ice. Why? Because every game counts, and it’s usually 82 games in a season. This season is leveled down in the fact that there are only 56 games thanks to a virus that shall no longer be named. Oh wait, players can actually get the virus? Season difficulty turns back up to insanity.

This year our league has elected to play the weekly points system. Basically, whoever can accumulate the most points via goals, assists, hits, power play points, blah blah blah wins. It’s a lot. It’s….a lot. This is fine. It’s only day two. I’m fine but why? Why torture myself? Simple. This sport is too damn perfect not to watch nightly. As of last nights season opener, we are now on day two of 116 straight days of NHL hockey. My schedule seems to have been filled out for me until April. At the earliest.

I know. I’m sick in the head, and I don’t want a cure. Did I mentioned there is a trophy?

This is what it’s all about. (There is prize money too, I guess.)

Author: Fink

Stood in an elevator with Jere Lehtinen once. Full-time freelancer in all things media. Beer League Black Ace and big-time locker room glue guy.

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