FUGLY With a Capitol FU

While I was working today, Ked got to watch the Bruins/Rangers game in real time and got his blog up before me. So by now he’s poisoned all of the sharp hockey minds that look forward to reading our site to get their game analysis and recaps. Somewhere right now on this great beautiful spinning marble, there’s some poor Bruins’ fan that has read his blog and is now wandering the countryside in a daze, sadly looking to the heavens for some type of guidance. What has happened to their beloved Boston Bruins? What type of lunar anomaly has taken place in the shadow of Boston Harbor that has turned their favorite ursine mascotted team into a shell of themselves? I can feel the collective psyche of the Bruins fandom reaching out to me in their time of need to be a beacon of common sense, to lead them out of the mental labyrinth that Ked has tried to pretzel them into. Don’t give him the power. Resist the temptation to slide gently into despair, hold fast and remain true. 

What actually happened today???

Nothing. Don’t believe the hype. Calm down and take a breath. Let all those Ranger fanboy footie-pajama wearing pigeons enjoy their day with a fresh bottle of lotion and their Adam Graves replica jerseys. This is not a panic moment.  The Bruins had a matinee game against the Rangers today and they did not show up. Call it mental fatigue, call it looking ahead to getting out of town for a few days, call it whatever you want; but that was a dogshit showing on home ice against an inferior team. This was the in person manifestation of a team hitting the snooze button for 60 minutes. It happens.

Actual Game Footage

Clearly the B’s didn’t check the game notes carefully and had no idea that Panarin was playing today and NY was up to welcome him back. During warmups they probably looked at the AHL goalie in net and penciled in the 2 points. Unfortunately, NY wasn’t on the same page and actually wanted to you know, play a hockey game today. As Brick said on the NESN feed “This team gets praise because of their Hockey IQ, but is has not been on display today” (and everyone thinks homeboy Jack is the wordsmith). Marchand with defensive lapses. Bergeron taking a penalty down by 2 goals. Read that last bit again, Bergy taking a penalty when trailing.. That doesn’t happen.

NY was led by Masshole Kreider who might have the worst facial hair since Capt. Jack Sparrow and “I’m not as good as my brother” Strome. And of course what would a game against NY look like if that trash bag Lemieux played clean? Guess we’ll have to wait for the next game to see if it happens. In what has become his typical fashion: He hits Frederic in the back late, after the play and while Freddie is changing and then won’t fight. C’mon, where’s your jam bud? And don’t let me forget Ked’s personal binky Adam Fox. Yes, as was pointed out in the blog, he somehow has managed to make it in the NHL on his own with no mentor. What a hero. Guess that’s a big fuck you to Marc Staal and King Henry, but what do I know. You can read Ked’s blog at the link below. You don’t need to dig out your Rangers’ sunglasses, he clearly had his pair on while writing:

https://morning-skate.com/2021/03/13/rangers-embarrass-the-bruins-on-their-home-ice/

The only Bruin to show up today was Jaro Halak. If it wasn’t for him the Rangers could have easily hung 7 or 8 on the B’s. The Bruins were passive through the neutral zone and gave the Rangers the blue line the entire game. They should be treating Jaro to deep tissue meditative massages to help get his mind right after getting hung out to dry for 60 minutes. At the very least could they send him to Bob Kraft’s Happy Ending Hideaway to get his uh, relaxation on? 

Since Ked laid it out for you all in his blog, I’ll just give you the highs and lows

Plus/Minus:

Plus:

  • PK – The Bruins were perfect on the kill with NY going 0 for 5
  • Goaltending – Halak was huge throughout and there’s not a single goal you can blame him for. He was huge today.
  • Sweaters – the Reverse Retro jerseys are growing on me. After today, probably not going to see them for awhile, but looked good.

Minus:

  • PP – The Bruins were horrible going 0 for 5. Barely got set up in the NY zone until their 4th PP. As good as it looked the other night, it looked that disjointed today.
  • Defense – C’mon. That was horrible. Guys wide open, not taking the body and not being able to work the puck up the wall makes you look like a team skating hungover.
  • Offense – As Ked said “a defense that sports a guy who is scared to death to have the puck, a wild card Smitty, and a 38 year old Trouba” In other words : they suck.

Game Notes:

  • Bergy and Marchand as a duo have scored the 3rd most shorthanded goals in NHL history. Like I’ve been telling you: 37 + 63 = 100

Author: Brownie

Hockey fan/player from the greater Boston area.

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