Free Agency Frenzy- Questionable Signings

1) Karl Alzner- Montreal 5 years over 23 million



Did Marc Bergevin do it again or did Marc Bergevin fucking do it again. In the last year the Habs GM has shed exciting defensemen such as Subban Sergachev, Beaulieu and stockpiled a whose who of mediocre boring ass defensemen: Petry, Alzner, Schlemko, Benn, Davidson. As the NHL moves towards a future of puck moving defensemen, the Habs have gone against the grain with the limited stay at home dman model. For a team who struggles offensively, losing Sergachev and old man Markov won’t do any favors for their power play.


There are a lot of positives in Alzner, however. He played top 4 minutes on a loaded Capitals team, leading them in shorthanded ice time. He hasn’t missed a game in 7 years, which puts him 7th in the league for active players. Still if I’m a betting man, 5 years for a 28 year old stay at home defenseman with a bum groin who blocks a butt load of shots has future buyout written all over it.


My rating: 1 turd


Ondrej Pavelec- NY Rangers 1 year 1.3 million



I know what your saying, blue shirts nations, who fucking cares Hal, he’s the fucking back up goalie. Well guess what Garden Faithful; you fucking know this guy stinks. I get it, Beniot Allaire is unreal and pisses excellence. Talbot and Raanta both stepped in and were able to turn their short stints as backups in New York into starting roles elsewhere. But Ondrej Pavelec, is not Talbot or Rantaa. Cam Talbot was an unknown when he got his chance as a 26 year old rookie, who was able to prove he was an NHL caliber netminder. Antti Raanta was a young finish tender that oozed talent when he posted a .936 save percentage before hitting NY. Pavelec is as bipolar between the pipes as a veteran goalie can get. Most recently posting a .888 save percentage in 8 NHL games this past season. An up and down head case who has never put it together, he does not appear to be a guy who can give Lundqvist 25 games of rest this upcoming season. But keep pretending your going to continue riding this backup goalie fairytale, rags fans, I congratulate you on signing a guy whose most newsworthy story of his career was a hit and run DUI. May his save percentage be higher than his breathalyzer scores!

Turn the volume up to really capture Jets fans feelings on the guy!

My rating 2 beer shits


Nick Bonino- Nashville Predators 4 years, 4.1 million per



This isn’t as bad of a deal as the HFBoards hardos are making it seem, but its still not great. For a team that doesn’t spend to the cap ceiling, dropping 4 million a year on a third line center seems to go against their philosophy that has seen them so successful recently. Boninos a great player, but he does not fill their need for a second line center. This is a solid two-way guy, who on average has given you close to 40 points a year. The problem being, in Anaheim he often had Getzlaf and Perry in their prime and he had the ultimate hookup in Pittsburgh. For the past two years he has been a third line center with PHIL FUCKING KESSEL on his wing. Phil the thrill has more talent in his double chin than any winger that Bonino will be playing with on the Preds. Not to mention when Crosby and Malkin are ahead of you on the depth chart, you are getting a TON of minutes against third pairing defensemen.


Pretty meh signing, I give it a 1 turd rating.




PS: I didn’t put it on the list because its more on the player than the team, but what THE FUCK is up with Brian Boyle. Boylers been a heart and soul guy that really endeared himself to rangers fans with his time in their organization. The guy got a little whipped by the old ball and chain and followed his wifey to her hometown Florida. While there he proved to be a solid role player on a constant cup contender. I thought he was a great fit for a veteran on a young Leafs team, and figured he would either stay in a capacity like that, or take a discount to fight for the cup we all know he wants so bad. But instead he goes to goddamn New Jersey. A team in a rebuild that really doesn’t look that promising. Enjoy your summers on the shore and your over priced Hoboken penthouse. Sad day when you see your hero chase the money and forget their roots.



















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